Friday, February 1, 2008

Where Idiocy Meets Intellect: Bad Movie Haiku

DOA: Dead or Alive
Oh, Eric Roberts.
They're sunglasses sans teamwork.
Is that a Sandals?

Ghosts Can't Do It
Real men don't eat quiche:
They're ethereal cockblocks.
What is with the hats?

Thunderpants
Dangerous farting
Harry Potter boys gone wrong
Paul Giamatti?

The Day Time Ended
A green pyramid
Plus a dancing alien?
Time for a Boone's taste test.

Kickin' It Old Skool
Don't Hassel the Hoff
More balls? Don't you just get two?
Put the sexy back.

Skatetown, U.S.A.
Before the pregnant
Scott Baio was skating with
The West Side Wheelers.

Final Destination 3
Watch out for the horse!
Inappropriate music.
Oh, who cares? Just die.

Bring It On: In It To Win It
She'll do stick duty.
Like I give a flying tuck:
It's a cheer rumble!

Beastly Boyz, Part I
There will be more words
in this haiku than in the
entire movie.

Beastly Boyz, Part II
Is mourning a sport?
DD took us to the edge . . .
of his boxer briefs.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Ghosts Can't Do It (1990)

So if you're me, you see this title and wonder if perhaps this movie will involve some very uncomfortable sex scenes. Or think it might actually be like Ghost, starring Demi Moore and Patrick The Swayze.

Both of those things would have been much better than this movie.

Ghosts Can't Do It is an odd romantic film starring Bo Derek and Anthony Quinn. Donald Trump also makes a welcome cameo.

The basic plot is that Scott and Kate are madly in love with each other, but after Scott has a heart attack, he's partially incapacitated, and can no longer sleep with Kate. Therefore, his solution is to commit suicide. But Scott is not gone. No, he continues to haunt Kate, following her everywhere from behind what is either a big bubble or a sheet of cellophane. Of course, no one else can see or hear Scott, but this doesn't stop Kate from having very public conversations with him. Scott and Kate create a brilliant plan to bring someone to the brink of death so that Scott can take over his body. Preferably someone young and virile.

Bo Derek spends quite a bit of the movie either topless or naked. Possibly one of the high points of the movie. She certainly can't act. Written and directed by her then husband, John Derek, who was also about 30 years her senior, the movie is sometimes considered autobiographical. Except, of course, that John didn't haunt Bo from behind a sheet of Saran Wrap.

One of the more amusing points of this movie is the fact that it appears Anthony Quinn filmed all of his scenes in one day, on one sound stage. Even though Scott follows Katie everywhere, he's always seen against a black backdrop, never within the scene that Katie is in.

Quotes:
Katie: You mean you'd take another body, and with that body you'd make love to me?
Scott: You bet I would! I mean... if it's possible.
Katie: I don't know, Scott. That's kinky stuff. We've never been kinky

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Bad Movie Day Line-Up

The list for the next Bad Movie Day has been finalized. Behold, the glorious lineup of movies. Stay tuned for reviews of these movies.

Watch this space...

The worst movies you could ever choose to see, coming soon to this space.